Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
