After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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