she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
