Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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