Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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