Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
