I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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