Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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