So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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