Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
