**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
