I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize