The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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