dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
