guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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