I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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