Cold hands, warm shart.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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