At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
