just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
