Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
