We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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