if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
