some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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