Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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