i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
