my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
