I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
