her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
