Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
