We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
