after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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