im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
