The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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