Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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