booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
