Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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