I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
