what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
