When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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