So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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