She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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