my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
