My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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