You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize