I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
