Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
