Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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