I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
