Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You're like the curious george of whores
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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