I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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