it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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