he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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