I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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