Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
