1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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