he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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