we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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