You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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