I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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