I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
